We all have certain core issues that need our attention. Core issues are emotional memories that anchor us in emotional fears and negative beliefs about ourselves. They can hold us back, form our reactions, and shape our thinking. The challenge with core issues is not necessarily the negative experience we had but the emotional charge that gets attached to it. The emotional charge becomes our frame of reference and keeps re-surfacing throughout our lives.
Look for a theme that runs through your upsets. Core issues gone unnoticed will either keep us stuck or push us off-balance. They can destroy our ability to find healthy solutions that are in sync with our true desires and they sometimes subconsciously force us to act in a way that sabotages what we truly want for ourselves. Core issues interfere with love and create opposition and resistance against our self. And if we are not careful they keep being recreated and replayed throughout our life. In most cases, core issues touch us at our deepest level and will remain embedded until we address them.
We all have core issues that emerged in our lives as a result of growing up. As Ram Dass said in a lecture, “If you think you are enlightened—spend a week with your family.” We are continually evolving in our lives as the adult child of our parents.
We all have a certain frame of reference that holds us back in self-doubt. Emotional fear is at the core of these feelings. When fear is activated, we could feel overcome. We may be frozen in apprehension or worry, or confused, or sense feeling rejection or disregard. We may even feel physical pain, tension or a sensation in our chest or stomach. In those times of emotional fear we instantly become reactive, we judge, criticize, blame or withdraw, all in order to defend ourselves from more hurt. Those triggers or intense feelings are our core issues. They are our embedded wounds from feeling unheard, unloved, unworthy or feeling helpless or hopeless or left-out or unable to express our desires or simply scared we would get into trouble.
We need to be aware of our core issues so we can monitor ourselves more productively and the quality of our reactions can be managed with self-respect and self-understanding. The more ‘real’ and true to ourselves we are, the more we can welcome our limitations. Experience your emotions so that you can be in tune with your place of vulnerability. When we can honestly be with our feelings it provides the space to have more freedom to choose to respond from a place of strength and clarity. When you are emotionally charged you can neutralize it with words that a nurturing loving parent or friend would say. Pause a moment. When you pay attention to your breath you have the ability to soften the intensity of the moment. Take a step back and see what benefit you are getting out of being offended, enraged, or angry. Pay attention to your needs and what you feel you are lacking. Parent or make friends with the part of you that needs attention or a dose of confidence. When you become clear of your core issues, you become much more empowered to override them in order to create what you truly want in your life. Life is difficult and also beautiful. If you are at peace with the truth of all that you are, you can more easily see a solution. Be gentle with yourself. As an adult child of parents that we had we deserve to treat ourselves with loving kindness.