The other night in preparing for my youngest son’s wedding, we sat looking at old family pictures in my living room. After my son left, I went outside to reflect on my feelings. Looking back at the pictures, I was overcome by my beauty, but also a bit saddened by the fact that I didn’t feel attractive internally as a young girl. Then I felt a surge of gratefulness for my life and the lessons I’ve learned. I am no longer compelled to hold onto the emotional influence of my past and when it does surface, I am able to manage it. I’ve come to an age where I know real fulfillment comes from self- acceptance, from daring to be just as you are and expressing it. The sooner we are aware of our reactions the sooner we can find balance.
To grow and expand as a person of strength, we need to validate our feelings, fears, and struggles that we had. Understanding is the key to balancing and managing the experience of who we are. It’s a worthy endeavor to be familiar with those precious wonder children!
When we get hurt as children, not knowingly, we let our inaccurate beliefs control our lives. False beliefs are really thoughts about our selves that were formulated from incorrect reasoning. The most powerful false beliefs are those we adopted as a result of a painful experience. Even so, as Robert Burney says in his book, The Dance of Wounded Souls, “It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to love the person we are.”
All of us, from the very earliest days in our lives developed different ways of coping to help us deal with life. Sometimes, as adults, we over-react unfairly in a “young” way when we are feeling vulnerable or overly stressed. And when we over-react, we either lash out inappropriately, intimidate someone, put blame on another, or we withdraw. We are naturally transported to our childhood reactions without even realizing. When our stress level is high, it is time to pause in order to prevent unnecessary words.
As adults, we need to be able to recognize these patterns when they get activated. To be in the moment in a healthy, age-appropriate way, our stress and our difficult feelings will be our gauge. When our stress level is high, it is time to pause. When we feel rattled, upset or feel at a loss, it’s best to find appropriate solutions. Finding solutions means reducing your stress, taking responsibility to resolve issues and set in motion the thoughts and actions that uplift you. That is the path that enables us to live an empowered life. As personal growth is ever evolving, the underlying balance is between our foundation and that which strengthens, nurtures and supports us through life.
My personal goal and that of being a life coach is to connect to the things that allow us to shine and to create a life that feels good. Part of creating a life that feels good is about honoring all that we are. Then, we can discover, regain and utilize our inner strengths, resilience and optimism to live life to the fullest. Let’s celebrate our selves and allow our self to shine this New Year and always.